The Ditch (First published circa May 2014)
This is not a story about a much publicised breakup of a famous couple, or about the pothole that your bicycle lost its front wheel into, and sent you arse over kite into the neighbour’s rose bush, nor is it a misheard reference to a woman, or man, who shattered your dreams!
Remember the Legally Blonde ditch?
The Tasman Sea is a strip of water, very deep in places, and often producing massive storms that pummel the West coast of New Zealand, Tasmania and the South and South East coastlines of Australia.
As opposed to the English Channel where an exchange of immigrants and emigrants occurs with relative ease, via a plethora of Ferries and the Chunnel, the Tasman Sea is a serious barrier between the two nations. Not an easy swim!
A number of nicknames for the Tasman are often used when referring to the separating divide between the two nations: The Creek and The Bucket come to mind, but the most famous and more commonly used is, The Ditch.
A friendly rivalry has evolved over the years, between Kiwis and Aussies, although many will shy away from the word friendly! Both nations are famous travellers and in many a pub anywhere in the World, it is often a toss-up as to which member, of which of these two rival nations is the noisiest.
One particularly loud Aussie!
Kiwis reckon the Aussies are full of themselves and loud, and by the same token, Aussies tire of the braggart Kiwis who claim that The All Blacks are the gauge by which to measure rugby!
Then there is the true history of Australia being a penal colony! In Star Trek, Deep Space Nine, New Zealand is mentioned as a penal colony! The two nations haven’t done too badly for a bunch of ex-cons!
Who would have thunk?
The late Robert Muldoon, once Prime Minster of New Zealand, added to the rivalry with his famous quote: New Zealanders who emigrate to Australia increase the IQ of both Nations.
Just as it is fair game to tease the Scots, Welsh and Irish by referring to them as English, so is it always a big tease to confuse the Kiwis and Aussies of their origins!
Aotearoa
Speaking of big tease
Do you know what Aotearoa actually means
The Land of The Long White Cloud
Full of ourselves we shout it out loud
Rugby seems to be our saving grace
'Tho in The America's Cup we keep the pace
A land full of massive Kauri trees
Katipos, Wetas, creepy crawlys
Birdlife and insects truly unique
Rugged mountains with snowy peaks
Pristine waters, through gorges flowing
Freezing winds, through straits blowing
Loose tectonic plates, shake it to its very core
From billowing cones, ash and smoke do pour
An adventure land of every kind
Inclement weather, some would rather leave behind
In the words of our National Anthem
We Extol the Creator of every Nation
For our volatile land way down South
Exuding beauty, not only from my mouth
Dan Varoy 2014 05 30
Guess from which side of The Ditch I come from?
Do yourself a favour and watch Cold Play serenade a pilot as she / he negotiates a plane between mountains, through cloud then over Lake Wakatipu to land in Queenstown!